兄弟: 追憶のhide

Author: Matsumoto Hiroshi
Translation: w_b

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A Betrayal In Sendai
p.101-107

Above all else hide loved concerts that enabled him to share time and a venue with fans. Yet during the [DAHLIA TOUR 1995-1996] X-Japan met for the first time with exceptional circumstances that forced them to cancel just such an event.

Forced to cancel because of an incident beyond his control and with no outlet to vent his anger, the only thing hide could do was unleash his fury inside his hotel room.

It was the only time he did not take his anger out on me even though ordinarily he would have. That more than anything made me feel the depth of his hurt.

The [DAHLIA TOUR] opened in Yamagata, went up to Sapporo, down to Sendai and Tokyo, then after the New Year it was to continue around the country, on to Fukuoka, Hiroshima, Niigata, Osaka, Nagoya.... When all of a sudden disaster struck in Sendai.

Around 8am the phone rang in my room. I had just been planning to go wake hide up when the boss from X's office called.

"Tell me, is hide-chan up yet?"

"No, I was just about to go wake him. Would you like me to give him a message?"

"Actually, yes...."

To my surprise the talk concerned Yoshiki's physical state. He had aggravated a pre-existing neck injury and found himself unable to perform. My pulse was racing even before the call ended; this undoubtedly spelled trouble.

As soon as the boss finished explaining I threw down the receiver, rushed out into the hallway and ran to hide's room. Quietly, I opened his door with my card key.

"Good morning...."

The moment I stepped inside the room, hide jumped to his feet. Once again he had woken up in a good mood.

"Mmm, it's morning already..."

He automatically stood up on the bed, as usual, and ordered, "Hiroshi, milk!"

"Umm...."

"What do you mean, 'Umm'?"

"Well...." All of a sudden I could not utter any other words. Hearing my mumble hide climbed off the bed and peered at my face.

"What? What happened? Is it Yocchan? Yoshiki?"

"Yes...."

"No, you're serious?"

"I am, the boss just called and told me."

"Told you what?! Spit it out already!"

Without any warning hide's expression grew hard. No sooner had he sat down on the edge of the bed than he was holding the phone receiver.

"Go wait outside, I'm going to give Yoshiki a quick call."

hide was Yoshiki's close partner in X. Maybe even Yoshiki himself looked for hide's approval before making any sort of final decision, I do wonder.

As soon as I stepped into the hallway I pressed my ear to the door and held my breath so as not to miss a single of hide's words. My gaze met that of a businessman passing down the hallway: no doubt he found me suspicious but I could not have cared less. It was the fate of the concert that I was concerned with.

I could barely make out hide's murmurs except for the last words which I just managed to catch.

"Alright, let's cancel the show then.... Ok."

Click.

I heard him quietly setting down the receiver. I thought the conversation was over...when all hell broke loose.

"Fuck! That fucking asshole!!! What the hell does he think he's doing?!"

A loud roar of anger came from inside the room, followed by the sound of one great crash after another as things were kicked about. Bang! Thud! Crash! Boom! Wham!

Was he trying to bring down the walls? I had been dreading this moment.

For hide this was the ultimate betrayal of all the X fans who had been waiting for the concert. Betrayal. I know of no other three syllables that riled him up as much as these.

Whenever hide was trying to protect something he held dear he would go berserk in protest, and ultimately resort to viciously cursing the person out.

Yet this time he neither raged nor expressed any hate toward Yoshiki. You see, I have not once heard hide speak ill of him.

I could not count all the times I have heard hide express his respect for Yoshiki.

"Only Yoshiki can change the world of rock."

"It's thanks to Yoshiki that I can be the crazy guitarist I am."

"Yoshiki hasn't sold out, unlike other pro bands."

But ultimately, he could not contain his disappointment at having to cancel a concert, no matter the reason.

The noise died down after a while and when I unlocked the door and stepped inside, hide had just slipped back into bed.

"I'm going back to sleep for a bit. We can't make the announcement just yet so don't say anything until I tell you to."

"Of course."

Several hours later the Sendai concert was cancelled and for the rest of that day hide heaved his shoulders in many a heavy sigh

Yoshiki eventually recovered and the tour resumed, but he pushed himself too hard and collapsed during the main set on stage in Nagoya. It was like watching a clip in slow motion, or perhaps a wide panel in a comic book with the protagonist's cries of pain drawn in an increasingly bold font.

Yoshiki's drumming slowed almost the very moment I noticed him grimacing at the growing agony.

"Huh? What? Something's wrong, what's going on?!" hide turned around, and stared in shock as the moment the song ended Yoshiki slid into the arms of the staff and vanished from the stage.

Later that day the [DAHLIA TOUR] itself was officially cancelled.

Yet even though hide was extremely depressed and didn't speak a word for several days, he never expressed any resentment toward Yoshiki.

All of a sudden I was reminded of hide from the time of Saver Tiger.

A Yokosuka band, they had found themselves on the verge of a professional debut on the condition they replace band members whose skills were not up to par. As the leader, hide had found himself unable to replace the members and in the end, he dissolved the band.

Afterward, he went bar-hopping on Dobuita Street. He was walking around drinking and cursing.

"Damn! Damn it!"

He preferred to give up his own dream rather than betray someone. This susceptibility of his haunted hide at all times throughout his life.

Yet that very susceptibility was also balanced by his strength.

Having dissolved Saver Tiger hide abandoned the idea of becoming a professional musician, and just as he was about to start working as a beautician he was invited to join X.

"I met this awesome guy...." That was all he said before leaving for Tokyo.

That awesome guy was Yoshiki.