音楽と人 - January 2009
Interview with Sakurai Atsushi
Text by Ishii Eriko
Translation: Lola

What kind of feeling does your new work have?
You're asking about the album? It's........ It's quite......a free album you know, because the songs on it are free. It has the same world as the previous album only without a theme. Each song has a different character and I think that comes out clearly in the album.

According to Imai-san though, unlike last time it is you Sakurai-san who has taken the initiative in broadening the scope of the new songs with the lyrics you wrote. Seems like the words just continued to overflow for you perhaps.
Yes. They had energy from the beginning but I put power into them.

......and?
And that's it *smiles*. By the time they decided on the songs, I was a little......well actually I'm always like this but, the words that were set free came as I faced the heavens and came to feel. It makes me pause and puts everything into perspective which can be difficult. But, even so as the various words overflow one by one, I feel as though I understand.

Now you've got 'HEAVEN' paired with 'Makka na Yoru' and then next after that is 'GALAXY', so which lyrics then were born in that initial phase?
Ah.......if we're talking about definite form then 'Makka na Yoru' was done in the beginning because I liked the force behind the song. After that, 'HEAVEN' and 'GALAXY' came during the middle stage......I think, perhaps because at the time I was aware that they would be singles.

I think I understand what you're trying to say. 'Makka na Yoru' is certainly a Sakurai song and you're good at writing songs with that kind of outlook.
Yes.

Which is why I was surprised by the other lyrics on the singles.
Oh, really? ......ah I see what you mean. Especially with 'GALAXY' perhaps because I wrote it knowing it would be a single, so I deliberately put aside my poisonous nature for it. I haven't abandoned my pride but, to a certain extent I wanted to do something that everyone, or at least various people could listen to. So, yes......that's the feeling I used *smiles*.

Ha ha ha. Furthermore, it's a positive song about hope isn't it. I think there's more to that than just being aware it was to be a single to have such lyrics come out.
True, if it were only that there wouldn't be much depth to it in the end. Of course I'm convinced of the words when I choose them. And well, there are a various personal connections in them too for me but......that's something, that came with age as well.

You're suddenly blunt *smiles*.
Fufufu. Not really, I'd say it's more that I've just cast aside trying to keep up appearances. Well, that's a little......part of it anyway but there's also a part that ties into living until I die. So I thought I'd sing a little about that.

And that ties into it because?
......of course there are people who keep wishing for peace and keep wishing for small joys because it's like the violence around them doesn't end. And that ties into it because even within that, they're still strong and keep going and I think that strength should be protected. That......takes courage, to keep going without anything to depend on, so this song is for them.

That's why there's that line in 'GALAXY', "The sad things I hinted at are not real, I made them up" right.(1)
Yes. I'm not saying circumstances justify a lie but it's more like it's ok, it'll be ok. That's what I'm trying to say in this song.

Yes that's what it seemed like to me, but still I think you've undergone a great change Sakurai-san to write such lyrics.
Yes. To be clear, even though I have a loving family I really......well even if I don't talk about it, they're there. But because even just saying that is rude to some people who listen, I'd pick words to try to fit their various situations so as not to crush their hopes. I never intended to use harsh words with them. But, it would still end up being a big blow.

So this change is a natural thing? But I thought as an individual Sakurai-san, that because you hated happy endings by nature that you'd declare that you didn't like singing about hope. But it seems even your fundamental preferences have suddenly changed.
That's right. Though truly, in essence I cannot change and I haven't changed. I will always have that part of me that is anxious. That hasn't changed. But I think I shouldn't be like that you know. When......when I'm anxious like that.

Why not think of something else? Like why even though you sing of light and hope you make it sound like it's such a distant feeling.
Ah......because it made me think you know, especially right before recording. Mm......how to explain? Perhaps it was because my sense of reality was diluted. Even though it was about me, seemed like I couldn't focus or something. Even talking about it now, it feels a little like I've let my image slip......and it's strange to think that. Of course it's because I'm nervous, and timid. And just that is enough to make me not feel at peace. I don't even really understand it myself, it's just like a tangle of thoughts in my head.

But didn't you approve of the idea and the character of the song itself before you began writing the lyrics?
Yeah......but I'm the kind of person who needs to be told things. Like, yes this is good, this is ok, it's good.

So even if you plan it in advance, there's still a part of you that thinks it's wrong?
Exactly. Because in the end, I adjust words to fit the story so I worry it negates the original feeling. So I say, no wait, hold on. Then ok, this is good. And as I said earlier, I also think about it being a single so, it's not really good to be going in circles like that in my head. But it's because I want to convey the story properly without ruining it. By getting the whole thing in the right place without negating it. I just want to keep the lie going until the end.......(2)

Lie? What are you talking about? *laughs*
No, see because if you take a lie with you to your grave then it's true *smiles*.

I see your conflict now. Even though you say it's precious to have hope 100% you can't write that.
That's right. Like I can't just boast that, "No don't worry, it's ok". Of course......well this might sound strange but, it's because I ask myself why is it good people's lives are taken while bad people survive? It feels unfair to me. Of course it's good to have hope but, if you place too much hope on something, then after you end up being scared of being disheartened if it doesn't work out. So, now I'm just trying to say, please don't think about those things, hold on until the end and see things through to completion because you're too strong to give up.

This is really close to your heart I see but anyway, it also seems like a new beginning for Buck-Tick with this song don't you think?
That too, yes. For instance because last year was our 20th anniversary (since debuting), the year was quite full and seemed like we had reached a peak, and after that it felt like we had to reset, I felt it too. It feels like maybe if we do that, then we can shine even more together and I thought it would be good to state that definitively.

Certainly, being able to shine isn't something that comes about quickly is it?
Yes. But I think you have to want to, to be able to see it fully through. That goes for many things. Up till now it was like I had to pull at things to make them come out. But now, especially recently I feel like there are no limits, so I think I can do various things. Even if I wonder if it's ok once it's done *smiles*.

So even though you always worry about it, you want to make the story fit together.
Yes. So sometimes I'll say hold on. And then I'll remove some parts to make it fit better but then it always ends up being the same in the end. I try to change things because if I don't I'll regret it since I hate writing things that just sound superficial.

Sakurai-san, do you feel there's something about yourself you'd want to change?
No.......it's not so much a change but rather, I'd like to broaden myself more. I'm convinced that would be good for me. I don't think it's impossible for me to try to change but, previously, with the previous work a part of me became stronger and I want that to grow even more.

There is certainly a sense of reassurance in knowing something doesn't change but after doesn't it become a negative thing? Like a door closes and now you're lost in the darkness?
Yes, yes.

But that very thing can also make you more determined too right?
Yes. It's quite a realization. Like now it's all clear. So I wrote lyrics of that sort, so that perhaps things could be extra clear. I think I've been in denial.

In which way?
......I was just exhausted. With the source of the words you know? Until I went deep into myself. And as I wondered to myself everything was going in circles. After that, as I said earlier I felt I could reset, everything became a blank slate and then I felt so impatient. Because there was this feeling of "What will Sakurai of Buck-Tick do in their 21st year?". It seemed like that's what everyone around me was saying.

Around you?
Well when I say around me I mean the band members. When I look at them I feel quite complete and like I still have so much more energy left in me. Seeing that they'd look at me and ask, "Uh, you ok?".

But that's because you're not secluding yourself and you're not playing around with gothic stuff and negativity anymore.
Yes, yes. That's true.

I think this good change in you is emerging in various ways.
Yes. Well, little by little in small ways yes, it's a little like, various changes came forth at one time. It's disorienting and distracting. But then steadily as the songs come, I realize that time is passing and......I have to get out of bed and get going.

Ha ha ha. It seemed that way during your solo period too. Like it was just impossible for you to just be pulled along so people would say, Sakurai-san is a guy who has to be doing something one way or another.
Ha ha ha ha. Yes, I suppose I am.

It's because of that that when you clearly said you're singing about hope, it doesn't seem so absolutely impossible or so unbelievable to me.
Yes, yes. And that is the result of a true lie, that it is not a sweet lie for the main character, but it is a lie to me. But that is not so here.

Your real intention comes out as I expected. You've seen something somewhere that's given you hope and now you trust in it.
Yes. Pretty much.

Will we get a sense of that throughout the whole album?
Ah......no, the album as a whole covers a wide range. There will be more of those rough type ill-bred songs *smiles*. But I think this single will draw you in, as there are parts that will let you sink quite deeply into it.

If I had to say one word about the album, I'd say it seems like it will be bright but would you say it turned out as you imagined?
Ah, yes......I think so. Yeah. Like the previous album it's very stirring and has depth but there are parts that aren't really the same too. It's like a complete change......without changing *smiles*. While it isn't so different, it has a young, youthful feeling in it.

(1) I may change this line when the single comes out and I see the lyrics as a whole. Sometimes seeing a whole song will influence how I translate a line.
(2) Please keep in mind while reading that while he says 'uso' which means lie...there's also an underlying meaning of 'tale', 'story', 'illusion' or 'fabrication'.