音楽と人 - April 2010
Interview with Sakurai Atsushi
Text by Higuchi Yasuyuki
Translation: Lola
Sakurai-san, how does this latest single fit in with the rest of Buck-Tick's work?
Since it was meant to be a single from the beginning, Imai told me what the title of the song would be as usual. From there, I could use the range of my imagination but for the band and for myself I would say there was this feeling of wanting to 'break free'. What I mean by that is.....well to shrug off what came before perhaps *smiles*. In that way, I think this single relates to [memento mori].
How did you approach singing 'Dokudanjou Beauty'?
......I approached it first as a vocalist. Of course because I feel it's an Imai song, I'm not really sure where to put the most power unless he tells me in which parts to do so. They're not my words so there are parts I just can't get into.
Just by listening to the words of the song you can tell that you guys have come a long way but I guess that's part of being around as a band for such a long time.
Yes. That's why as a naturally flat vocalist I make a point to have presence when I sing. Since it's better if I participate as the vocalist without straining myself.
That's also part of being in a band.
That's the fun part of doing it with five people. Of course I think everyone has their own opinion of how they'd like to do things and once we began taking that into consideration, it felt like we had always been doing it that way.
Those are the words of a mature musician but it must be hard creating new music in this kind of band. Given that everyone has a different motivation, and even different desires. So how do you deal with that Sakurai-san?
Well I......am going to digress a little here but, no matter how self-conscious I am about sounding flat, of course I don't let it show and by doing that, I end up conflicted with myself *smiles*. So then there are times when I quickly get confused. But in the past, perhaps because I was young, I wasn't bothered by my self-consciousness. But now it's like the older I get, the more self-conscious I am......it's exhausting.
You're tired of being self-conscious.
Because there's never a time when I can think, 'Oh that was good, I did that well'. In those times, only music saves me. Because of that, it's like Imai's song shows me where to go because it redirects my feelings. In other words, it directs me where I want to go and then when my feelings change completely, I think that is what saves me.
So in other words, while you're self-conscious of sounding flat, there's that other part inside of you that actually feels the opposite and lets you be magnificent.
Yes *smiles*. Even if I think I'll do this or that, in the end it's like everything slips away from me and then I feel worthless.
But I mean, perhaps that's what keeps you motivated?
Perhaps you're right. In the end that is part of what drives me in the band....... That's what I try to remind myself of, when I'm being negative.
So this time, the single is paired with one of Hide-san's songs but you wrote the lyrics Sakurai-san. I think these lyrics certainly show your negative way of thinking and your self-consciousness.
*laughs dryly*
I wonder how did the full story of these lyrics take shape?
Since this time I knew the purpose of the song was to be on a single, I thought about that from the beginning as I was writing but at first I thought I would write one thing......but in the end what came out was something that didn't end up in the garbage that I had kept, something I wrote without consciously thinking of a single. Usually I purposefully change how I approach writing when it's a single......so at first I thought it would be one way but then wondered if I would be true to myself if I did it that way. That's nothing new for me but, so I use words that I'm the most convinced of. After when I listened to the song, I found it had a primitive image. The riff is monotonous......and when I say monotonous what I mean by that is, the riff seems to hold one's emotions in check, in that way it functions almost like some religious ceremony wherein you must contain yourself but then without thinking, your feelings end up coming through. At least that's how I can imagine it. In other words, I ended letting out my feelings in the song *smiles*.
Certainly you are unrivalled in this respect. As always I think that's something you cannot escape.
I always......well I've said this before but, of course I can't help the things I like. I've become good at doing the things I like so, if I think about doing it, that's what'll come out right away. Whatever is in my head in the end, is what comes out. Of course if I had thought to make it sound more pop by having the high point of the song in English and with lots of breaks in the rhythm, I would have done that but, this time I thought I would do something different. So I think people who listen to the song will think, "Wow this is a Buck-Tick song, it's very Sakurai Atsushi-like".
You're right.
I think as a band we should keep that image under control to some degree but, for me personally, I can't really help who I am and what I create.
Along those lines, did these lyrics come from Sakurai Atsushi of Buck-Tick or Sakurai Atsushi the individual?
There's no personal connection, no. There was in the past, for me and the band. If it weren't for the band, I couldn't do anything, it's like how could I live without their songs? Moreover, I do realize that being in the band is an escape for me *smiles*, it's not like I hate the darker side of reality. And you know......it lets me pay the bills every month, which is good *smiles*.
*smiles* Well, I hardly think you need worry about the bills Sakurai-san so surely, it cannot be the case that you're trying to escape your daily life?
True......
Perhaps that is why you place your hopes in things like dreams. And yet your escape from reality is to completely submerge yourself in darkness. I would think it must be hard to balance reality and your imagination in that case.
I see what you mean........ Well, in my teens and twenties I felt quite lost, I would say I was reckless even, I didn't see the point in living, didn't understand the meaning of anything so I think I lived rather wildly. Whether it was because of my age or due to my change of environment, I don't know but that's how it was...... and then suddenly out nowhere it was like I understood.
Yes, yes *smiles*.
It really was out of nowhere *smiles*. But that's what happened. But until that point........of course I had a very diluted sense of reality.
I think that's why in part in the past you were so caught up in singing about angels and demons right. Because you had a diluted sense of your actual existence.
Right.
But now Sakurai-san, you sing of hope like in last year's song 'GALAXY' as though you suddenly noticed there is hope in the world, there is merit and meaning in living. But then with this single you buried yourself back in darkness. Why do you think that is?
That's because.......that dark world hasn't disappeared for me at all. Of course, reality hasn't gone away either. Perhaps it's because unfortunately......that sort of dark world clings to me.
But by understanding the reality before you now, do you think you've become conscious of your personal darkness?
Yes. Originally what I liked was the fashion and the style of that kind of world. The only reason I got into Bauhaus was because I thought they were cool. But now......how can I say it, the real world, scares me.
Scares you?
By nature I'm the type of person to play in the realm of daydream and imagination but by doing so I'm also more afraid than most people. Especially recently there's so much about the real world that frightens me to the point where I feel like I'm thinking too much.
Could you be more specific?
......well now I'm afraid of losing what I have. I end up so seized with fear that it's like I can't leave my futon.
Ah, I get it. Like for me, when my child was born I felt that same fear. This world is too violent for an innocent child. But this is the kind of world my child has to live in isn't it.
.......you're a good father you know *smiles*.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! So I understand why you don't want to leave your futon. So why do you still submerge yourself in the darkness of the world?
Since I'm afraid for reality, it's too much for me to handle in the end. I really can't take what's right in front me. It's like with [memento mori]. If I think of the world in that way then I can get out of bed.......
But in 'Voo Doo' there's a feeling of relief if you put yourself in the song.
Right. When night falls, I get up from my futon and wander. When it's night, it's my time, my world opens. So I'm at ease within that darkness of night. My fears can be swallowed by the dark and in that I find strength.
I see. So the stronger your fear of being unable to escape reality, the more you withdraw into your darkness *smiles*.
Yes. As I said recently, there's a real world even for me that I am overwhelmed by. Therefore I feel ruled by my anxiety. If it seems like my fear will crush me, then I submerge myself completely in the world of darkness and perhaps this happens more so than before.